Thursday, March 5, 2009

A Gay Fatwa on Patti Stanger’s Head; She Must Be Tarred and Marabou-Feathered

Possums, perhaps it’s just because today the California Supreme Court heard oral arguments on Proposition 8 (with Ken Starr, the semen-stain Savonarola himself, leading the charge for gay-marriage foes), but this evening our tolerance for idiotic bullshit, no matter how well-intentioned, is exceedingly low.

So just imagine what an effect the following video of Patti Stanger, from Millionaire Matchmaker, had on us:

We’ll let one of our capable Sapphic sisters (Dorothy Snarker, darling, are you listening?) handle the issue of whether lesbians “U-Haul it” because k.d. lang is one of only three visible lesbians, and because in this Ellen-and-Portia, L Word, Rachel Maddow world, it’s less socially acceptable to come out as a lesbian than to be gay.

So let’s get to Patti’s theories on the lads, shall we?

Stanger sayeth:

If you are a gay man, you’re still susteptible [sic & sick] to oxytocin bonding, because you have a lot more estrogen in your body than a straight man does, ‘kay? There’s not a lot of testosterone there. So the truth of the matter is you can get emotionally bonded, same as a straight female. You gotta be careful.

Possums, where does one even start? To paraphrase Mary McCarthy on Lillian Hellman, every word she says is a lie, including “and” and “the.”

Because of course anyone who’s been around gay men knows that the number-one complaint is that they get “emotionally bonded” after having sex.

For heaven’s sake, possums, just look at her. She doesn’t know—cannot possibly know—any gays. And if she does, the fact that they let her leave the house looking like that proves that they hate her guts.

As these things go, it’s almost preferable to be called a “homo” by one of Satan’s silicone dingleberries, Tamra Barney of The Real Housewives of Orange C*nty. At least you know where you stand with her.

Is that an ad homo-nem attack? Perhaps. But we blame it on all that estrogen in our system.

Oh, and “AIDS [is] still available”? “Get involved in memorandums”?

Uh, memorandum to Patti: STFU.