Pink Navy Socratic Dialogue, Wherein We Discuss Battlefield Felicia

“Well, fancy that,” we drawled indolently to Miss XaXa as we reached for another marron glacé. “It seems Felicia’s a Scientologist.”

Miss XaXa chortled. “That explains a lot. Do you think Katie Holmes will look like that in ten years?”

“Don’t you mean Kate? Well, anyway, at least Felicia’s designs won’t be glib,” we said, passing up the Recchiuti box in favor of a Pierre Hermé palet d’or.

“And if Tom Cruise ever needs another couch to jump on, she could provide a tasteful one,” added Miss XaXa. “No wonder she was paired with Matt on the first challenge. That boy needs a better beard than the stray wisps he’s got.”

We shook our head. “With a name like Bushman, no doubt she’d make a good beard, but no, possum. His bio says he’s already got a full Van Dyke at home, and a four-year-old goatee.”

“Well, she could always be Ryan’s beard.”

“He’s definitely clean-shaven,” we agreed. “By the by, what does one call a man who marries a lesbian for appearances’ sake?”

Miss XaXa shrugged. “A merkin?”

We decided not to take the bait. That we’ve been reduced to discussing merkins is an indication of just how dull the show is.