Brooke Shields in the Day

Ohno!: Pink Navy Presents an Exclusive Preview of Tomorrow Night's Episode

Guest Judge Sandra Bernhard Whets Our Appetite and Wets Our Lips for Tonight's Episode

Bad Luck of the Ireland: Guest Judge Uses Foot in Mouth as Key Design Component

Now, possums, we want to make it clear that, having read guest judge Kathryn Ireland's blog on the Bravo website, we actually agree with what she had to say about the cabana designs.

However.

We couldn't keep quiet about a couple of things that gave us pause.

1. Ms. Ireland doesn't appear to be a particularly gracious loser. To wit:

"Last year, I had done my own reality show in England, “Design Wars,” so I really felt for the contestants under so much pressure...I was representing the UK against five different countries. The UK did not win; the Indians won. There are more Indians doing nothing at 5 o’clock in the afternoon than Italians or Scandinavians. I was neck and neck with them, but the Indians won. It was a telephone-voting thing...."

There are more Indians doing nothing at 5 o'clock in the afternoon than Italians or Scandinavians?!? Wow. Just, wow.

2. Sitting next to label queens Kelly Wearstler and Margaret Russell while clad in a brown tie-dyed tent is not good for anyone's self-confidence:

"Overall, for me, it was hard to come in and become a guest judge. The others had developed a huge camaraderie by this point, and they all had such nice clothes and I was like the poor relative. They could’ve brought me something! Look at Kelly -- she’s the kind of woman you love to hate, she’s so divine."

3. Ms. Ireland is prone to Freudian slips:

"If I could give the contestants any last advice it would be that I hope for them to be positive. I hate that whole Simon Callow bitchiness thing. It’s just so tired. I don’t believe in it. Comedy is when you laugh with someone, not at them. Good for Simon Callow for making his living but he’s so godawfully mean! I can’t believe he hasn’t destroyed his career. Let’s only say things that are constructive."

Um, Kathryn, possum, we're not being godawfully mean, but we think you meant to refer to Simon Cowell, he of American Idol and the UK Pop Star. Simon Callow is a British actor (remember his splendid turn as clergyman Mr. Beebe in A Room with A View, flopping willies with Julian Sands at the swimming hole while a not-yet-unhinged Helena Bonham-Carter giggled?) and the author of a comprehensive, prize-winning, multi-volume biography of Orson Welles. Simon Cowell is callow, perhaps even "callow" with a capital "C," but not Callow. It's not nice to go around confusing people's names. Imagine what would happen if people confused you and Kathy Ireland, who has also jumped into the design game. Wouldn't do at all.

Goils' Night Out: Would the Real "Goil" Please Step Forward?

Unmanned and Unmuzzled, Alexis Finally Hits the Solar Plexus

Alexis Arquette may be famous for a lot of things, but being demure is not one of them. None of this warm-and-fuzzy-Felicity-Huffman-tranny act for her.

Consequently, we were a little disappointed that last night's premiere episode had almost nothing of her trademark forked tongue. She looked becalmed, almost drugged, as did Todd Oldham and most of the judges (Miss XaXa is beginning to suspect that Bravo has its own hydroponic plantation to supply its hosts and guests judges; can Top Hydroponic Gardener be far behind?)

However, on her Bravo blog, Alexis has burst from her box, her straight jacket, as it were, and spoken what was on her mind:

During the judging, now I look back and think I could have been a little more candid, but I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. Overall, I was a little surprised with the lack of ingenuity I saw....There was another room, the first one I saw, I think, where I probably wasn’t mean enough about it. It was like an inner sanctum, but only if you’re into a sort of “Pottery Barn” mausoleum. I’ve been in warmer cemeteries.

Meow! Now that's the Alexis we know and love.