Remaining Designers Mourn Felicia Bushman in Their Own Way

Possums, we nearly wept ourselves at this. (Do notice that "p," as it were.)

On Bravotv.com, there is a gold mine of bonus footage, including two minutes of Matt and Carisa painting and giggling and squealing. Actually, Carisa was preparing to paint. Matt was painting and giggling and squealing.

In the midst of this, Matt felt the pang of loss that one feels when thinking of departed comrades. He decided to pay "latered" contestant Felicia Bushman an encomium:

"I miss Felicia walking around in her high heels and skirts." Which is exactly what a straight man would say.

Carisa was similarly wistful: "Jesus Christ! Fucking Prada. Who paints in Prada?" Which is exactly what a straight man would say.

"And then the aliens!" continued Carisa. "That whole thing threw me off, with the Scientology. That shit freaked me out. I knew they had aliens, dude, I knew they had aliens. Crazy. "

Requiescat in Prada, Felicia, possum. May we all be so fondly remembered.

Yet Another Bush(man) Brought Low by Afghans and the "Kellyban"

So it's goodbye to Felicia Bushman, the latest casualty in the afghan war. It strikes us as amusing that Kelly Wearstler, of all people, has no tolerance for kitsch, but Granny's afghan definitely did Felicia in.

Something else strikes us, though no doubt it is purely coincidental.

Ages of eliminated contestants:

Lisa: 48
Heather: 36
John: 40
Elizabeth: 48
Felicia: 38

We hate to go all Agatha Christie / And Then There Were None on you, but, Uh-oh, Andrea (36) and Ryan (35). Watch your backs.

We're actually sort of sorry to see Felicia go. Bad plastic surgery aside, she seems to have some taste, and the judges threw her a sop in their blogs by linking to her website. And judging by her rather sweet interaction with Gayest of the Gay, Michael, we believe she has a bright future ahead of her as what Defamer calls a "Scientology war bride." She would be the perfect beard for ["Up and Coming" Movie Star] because she not only has design talent, but her profession would provide perfect cover for ["Up and Coming" Movie Star]'s boys: "Oh, that hunky carpenter? And that flaming decorator? They're not [["Up and Coming" Movie Star]'s boyfriends. They work for me." Works for everyone, possum. Good luck, Felicia, and may Lord Xenu be with you.

Pink Navy Socratic Dialogue, Wherein We Discuss Battlefield Felicia

“Well, fancy that,” we drawled indolently to Miss XaXa as we reached for another marron glacé. “It seems Felicia’s a Scientologist.”

Miss XaXa chortled. “That explains a lot. Do you think Katie Holmes will look like that in ten years?”

“Don’t you mean Kate? Well, anyway, at least Felicia’s designs won’t be glib,” we said, passing up the Recchiuti box in favor of a Pierre Hermé palet d’or.

“And if Tom Cruise ever needs another couch to jump on, she could provide a tasteful one,” added Miss XaXa. “No wonder she was paired with Matt on the first challenge. That boy needs a better beard than the stray wisps he’s got.”

We shook our head. “With a name like Bushman, no doubt she’d make a good beard, but no, possum. His bio says he’s already got a full Van Dyke at home, and a four-year-old goatee.”

“Well, she could always be Ryan’s beard.”

“He’s definitely clean-shaven,” we agreed. “By the by, what does one call a man who marries a lesbian for appearances’ sake?”

Miss XaXa shrugged. “A merkin?”

We decided not to take the bait. That we’ve been reduced to discussing merkins is an indication of just how dull the show is.