Remaining Designers Mourn Felicia Bushman in Their Own Way

Possums, we nearly wept ourselves at this. (Do notice that "p," as it were.)

On Bravotv.com, there is a gold mine of bonus footage, including two minutes of Matt and Carisa painting and giggling and squealing. Actually, Carisa was preparing to paint. Matt was painting and giggling and squealing.

In the midst of this, Matt felt the pang of loss that one feels when thinking of departed comrades. He decided to pay "latered" contestant Felicia Bushman an encomium:

"I miss Felicia walking around in her high heels and skirts." Which is exactly what a straight man would say.

Carisa was similarly wistful: "Jesus Christ! Fucking Prada. Who paints in Prada?" Which is exactly what a straight man would say.

"And then the aliens!" continued Carisa. "That whole thing threw me off, with the Scientology. That shit freaked me out. I knew they had aliens, dude, I knew they had aliens. Crazy. "

Requiescat in Prada, Felicia, possum. May we all be so fondly remembered.

"I'll get you, my pretty! And your little afghan, too!"

We kid, Jonathan, possum. There's no place like homo, there's no place like homo!

Update: We never thought this would be necessary, but perhaps it's simply a testament to how few people are watching the show and/or reading the Bravo blogs. So, anyway, possums, let us explain the joke.

On his blog this week, Jonathan Adler wrote: "Bonjour. No new episode this week, so no proper blog. But, I'm answering some of the questions that y'all have posed in response to previous blogs. I have chosen to answer the fabulous people who asked interesting questions. I have chosen to completely ignore the naughty person who said that I look just like Margaret Hamilton, the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz."

Since it so happened that it was a commenter on Pink Navy who made the original Margaret Hamilton observation, and given how little material this show gives us to work with, we thought it might be mildly amusing to put up a little quick PhotoShop job of Jonathan Adler as Margaret Hamilton in The Wizard of Oz. It's as simple as that. We hope that will clear things up.

Yet Another Bush(man) Brought Low by Afghans and the "Kellyban"

So it's goodbye to Felicia Bushman, the latest casualty in the afghan war. It strikes us as amusing that Kelly Wearstler, of all people, has no tolerance for kitsch, but Granny's afghan definitely did Felicia in.

Something else strikes us, though no doubt it is purely coincidental.

Ages of eliminated contestants:

Lisa: 48
Heather: 36
John: 40
Elizabeth: 48
Felicia: 38

We hate to go all Agatha Christie / And Then There Were None on you, but, Uh-oh, Andrea (36) and Ryan (35). Watch your backs.

We're actually sort of sorry to see Felicia go. Bad plastic surgery aside, she seems to have some taste, and the judges threw her a sop in their blogs by linking to her website. And judging by her rather sweet interaction with Gayest of the Gay, Michael, we believe she has a bright future ahead of her as what Defamer calls a "Scientology war bride." She would be the perfect beard for ["Up and Coming" Movie Star] because she not only has design talent, but her profession would provide perfect cover for ["Up and Coming" Movie Star]'s boys: "Oh, that hunky carpenter? And that flaming decorator? They're not [["Up and Coming" Movie Star]'s boyfriends. They work for me." Works for everyone, possum. Good luck, Felicia, and may Lord Xenu be with you.

The Bushman Bazooms Find a No-Sag Harbor

Thanks to Ensign Laz, our on-ship photographer, for the screencaps, and thank you to Bravo for the chance to make this joke twice in two days.

"It's Been Great Stuffing with You": An Architect, a Scientologist and a Homosexual Walk into a Cabana

It does sound like the set-up for a joke, but what do you know? The team of two non-bespectacled Wonder Twins and their younger (ga)Y-chromosome, in an Annie Leibovitz-worthy group portrait taken by our on-ship photographer Laz during their girls' weekend at the Viceroy (make that Vicereine!) Hotel, brought home the win. Congratulations to you, girls!

Pink Navy Socratic Dialogue, Wherein We Discuss Battlefield Felicia

“Well, fancy that,” we drawled indolently to Miss XaXa as we reached for another marron glacé. “It seems Felicia’s a Scientologist.”

Miss XaXa chortled. “That explains a lot. Do you think Katie Holmes will look like that in ten years?”

“Don’t you mean Kate? Well, anyway, at least Felicia’s designs won’t be glib,” we said, passing up the Recchiuti box in favor of a Pierre Hermé palet d’or.

“And if Tom Cruise ever needs another couch to jump on, she could provide a tasteful one,” added Miss XaXa. “No wonder she was paired with Matt on the first challenge. That boy needs a better beard than the stray wisps he’s got.”

We shook our head. “With a name like Bushman, no doubt she’d make a good beard, but no, possum. His bio says he’s already got a full Van Dyke at home, and a four-year-old goatee.”

“Well, she could always be Ryan’s beard.”

“He’s definitely clean-shaven,” we agreed. “By the by, what does one call a man who marries a lesbian for appearances’ sake?”

Miss XaXa shrugged. “A merkin?”

We decided not to take the bait. That we’ve been reduced to discussing merkins is an indication of just how dull the show is.

The Pillow Book of Margaret Russell

Sei Shonagon has nothing on this woman, possums.

In an acid disquisition on pillows that reminded us ever so slightly of Faye Dunaway channeling Joan Crawford in her injunction against wire hangers in Mommie Dearest, judge Margaret Russell told contestants Erik and Carisa exactly what was what.

It might just have been the effects of the peyote-and-pistachio macaroons from Ladurée that we were nibbling, but we could almost swear we saw Alexis Arquette and contestant Felicia Bushman shivering and making to cover their own trembling, pillowy lips in self-protection.

Not surprisingly, as Ms. Russell herself informs us,

"Jonathan [Adler] annointed her the 'pillow police' after [she] busted [Erik and Carisa] for the overabundance of cushions not only on their sofa but also propped on the chairs and floor. Design tip: Just because a new sofa comes with eight extra throw pillows doesn’t mean they actually look good. No pun intended, throw those throw pillows away!"

Ms. Russell, trust us, we know from puns, and that's not a pun. Not that we'll hold it against you, for you possess three of our favorite qualities in a woman--cleavage, disdain, and cocoa-butter legs. We especially loved the little bow on your dress. Oh, Margaret! (We may call you Margaret, mayn't we?) As if that demure little bow could disguise the eye-rolling, volcanic vixen within! You might as well put daisies on a land mine. But, possum, we wouldn't have you any other way.