The Pillow Book of Margaret Russell

Sei Shonagon has nothing on this woman, possums.

In an acid disquisition on pillows that reminded us ever so slightly of Faye Dunaway channeling Joan Crawford in her injunction against wire hangers in Mommie Dearest, judge Margaret Russell told contestants Erik and Carisa exactly what was what.

It might just have been the effects of the peyote-and-pistachio macaroons from Ladurée that we were nibbling, but we could almost swear we saw Alexis Arquette and contestant Felicia Bushman shivering and making to cover their own trembling, pillowy lips in self-protection.

Not surprisingly, as Ms. Russell herself informs us,

"Jonathan [Adler] annointed her the 'pillow police' after [she] busted [Erik and Carisa] for the overabundance of cushions not only on their sofa but also propped on the chairs and floor. Design tip: Just because a new sofa comes with eight extra throw pillows doesn’t mean they actually look good. No pun intended, throw those throw pillows away!"

Ms. Russell, trust us, we know from puns, and that's not a pun. Not that we'll hold it against you, for you possess three of our favorite qualities in a woman--cleavage, disdain, and cocoa-butter legs. We especially loved the little bow on your dress. Oh, Margaret! (We may call you Margaret, mayn't we?) As if that demure little bow could disguise the eye-rolling, volcanic vixen within! You might as well put daisies on a land mine. But, possum, we wouldn't have you any other way.