Exclusive! Andrea Keller Reveals Diet Secrets, Blows Lid Off Underground Reality-Show Barter Economy!

No wonder the bitch is so thin.

As she reveals to Fishbowl LA, during the show Andrea Keller was “living on G-star energy drinks and M&Ms.”

But that’s not all. Due to being sequestered, unable to shop or stray, the contestants turned to each other for the things that mattered the most:

“Each of us had brought things so we shared a lot, trading mint julep face mask for eye cream, giving little haircuts.”

Our money’s on Matt as the original owner of the mint julep face mask.

Because Pink Navy Can't Resist an Easy Ally Sheedy/Andrea Keller Joke

Fortunately for us, neither could reader "Frita Fondle," who sent us this picture. Call us paranoid, but we suspect that's a pseudonym or maybe even a drag name. Anyway, Frita, liebchen, danke schön. Our favorite part of this? That the L.A. Times actually gave the film a rave. Who knew?

These Boots Were Made for Hawking: An Andrea Keller Photoessay

Our thanks to Ensign Laz and to reader A.B., who first pointed out Andrea's uncanny similarity to Christopher Robin and sent in the pictures to prove it.

Pinky on the Brain

Thanks to the exclusive dispatches of our pals at Fishbowl LA, Andrea "Ally Sheedy" Keller is fast becoming the girl we would most like as our fruitfly. After all, a girl whose cri de coeur is, "Give me lumber," is a girl after our own hardwood coeur. And the way she ever so delicately and elegantly thumbnailed Matt Lorenz as "showing raised pinky and being particular," well, we couldn't have done it better. Andrea knits, and she may well give Madame DeFarge a run for her money. Well done, possum.

"It's Been Great Stuffing with You": An Architect, a Scientologist and a Homosexual Walk into a Cabana

It does sound like the set-up for a joke, but what do you know? The team of two non-bespectacled Wonder Twins and their younger (ga)Y-chromosome, in an Annie Leibovitz-worthy group portrait taken by our on-ship photographer Laz during their girls' weekend at the Viceroy (make that Vicereine!) Hotel, brought home the win. Congratulations to you, girls!

Swiss Miss Turns Construction Girl

Our pals at Fishbowl LA have an exclusive interview with Andrea Keller, in which you'll discover that she knits (!), that she's a "construction girl," and that the Ivy League wench (go Penn!) won't say a mean word about Kelly Wearstler's fugly outfits.

Perhaps her diplomatic tact comes from her Swiss background (we can't wait to hear her break out into Schwyzerdütsch), but we remain particularly intrigued by just how much she resembles Breakfast Club Ally Sheedy with a pinch of High Art Ally Sheedy.

Of Trannies, Prince and Leggings

Our pals at Fishbowl LA offer a peppery account of the first edition of a weekly Top Design viewing party, hosted by contestant Andrea Keller and attended by "latered" contestant Heather Ashton.

Go have a look and acquaint yourself with tidbits of behind-the-scenes information, including the fact that contestant Elizabeth Moore used to be a stylist for Prince, the hope-inducing news (now that we no longer have Padma Lakshmi's outfits to use as a scratching post) that judge Kelly Wearstler's outfits only get worse, and the shocking possibility that adults working in the media and design industries in Los Angeles may never have encountered a real trannie in what is, after all, practically the species' native environment.