Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Welcome Aboard: Out of the Frying Pan, and Into the Biedermeier

Possums, has your pussy ever gone bad?

Oh, you know what we mean—started clawing the brocade settees, shredding the damask wall hangings, and ripping the watered-silk tabourets, all because its limited-edition Dina Lohan scratching post has been retired?

Well, then, you know exactly how we feel, now that Top Chef is coming to an end. No more of Padma Lakshmi's retina-searing fashion sense, no more glimpses of her, ahem, leetle pot belly, no more mispronunciations of “amuse-bouche” and “gelée” by all and sundry—in short, no more scratching post.

What are two scratching-post-deprived, never-declawed amuse-biatches to do? Fortunately, Bravo is following Top Chef with the launch of Top Design, a reality show competition devoted to interior design. And just like that, we fell out of the frying pan, and into the Biedermeier. Gird your loins, possums, for we have come to deplore the décor. And it's no use putting the plastic covers on the couches. Our claws can cut through anything.

‘So why Diana Vreeland as a muse on a blog dedicated to interior design?’ ask the fashionista possums in your midst. ‘After all, wasn't she a fashion editor?’

First of all, Anna Wintour be damned, Diana Vreeland wasn't a fashion editor; she was the fashion editor.

Now, Mrs. Vreeland also knew a good deal about home decoration, as we will demonstrate every Wednesday, and that alone would qualify her to be the marraine of this enterprise. But if you want to know why Diana Vreeland is the perfect person to break a bottle of Korbel fine champagne across the bow of the H.M.S. Pink Navy, you have only to take a gander at these two anecdotes recounted by Mary Louise Wilson:

“On another occasion, [Diana Vreeland] was laying out a photo spread of little silk and satin zippered evening jackets which was to be emblazoned with the words, ‘The Windbreaker,’ when she was informed at the last moment that ‘Windbreaker’ was copyrighted and not hers to use. She roared into the copy room again: ‘Quick! What’s another word for breaking wind?’”

“Yet another time she had a two-page photo of a nude sunbathing with a black straw hat on her derriere, and a caption that read: ‘Spend the summer under a Big Black Sailor.’ This issue apparently made it to the stands before it was apprehended.”
Need we say more? Possums, raise your glass of Korbel to Pink Navy and Big Black Sailors.

(By the by, no matter what Top Design judge Margaret Russell says in the previews, when your pussy goes bad, you can design the whole room around the cat.)