Todd Oldham Blows Chance at Iran Ambassadorship, Risks Impeachment as Gay Ambassador By Declaring He's Not One of the "Laddies Who Brunch"

Todd, Todd, Todd.

Well, you can't say we didn't work for you.

Have you any idea how much time we spent preparing our special report to President Bush on what an eligible and desirable bachelor you were for a Special Ambassadorship to Iran, especially now that the diplomatic crisis is heating up?

Well, it was a lot of time. We even sent our letter to the White House in a furry pink envelope woven from the tails of vintage 1980s My Little Ponys.

And it was all for naught, because you just had to go and talk to New York magazine and, in answer to their question, "Who should be the next president?", say, "Anyone that tells the truth and isn’t hateful would be welcome at this point."

Oh, how we groaned when we read that. We had been hearing from senior administration officials that your ambassadorship was in the bag, and just like that, they've stopped calling.

Muchas gracias, Todd. That's just the kind of thanks we get. And all those little plastic Barbaros? They died in vain. Well done, Todd.

Of course, you didn't just stop there.

We're also hearing from the highest gay authorities that articles of impeachment could be drawn up at any moment and that you could be removed from your position as Gay Ambassador for the comment, made in the same interview, that you are opposed to brunch because "so often it's like Sunday-morning prison with a big bill at the end."

Oh, Todd, we can't bear to see you self-destruct in public like this, and on the day Top Design is premiering, too. We have Isaiah Washington's crisis-management team at the ready; they say we can even get you a spot at the same gayhab clinic. Think about it. Call us.